divineguitar

today could have perhaps been the busiest day of my life — i sit on my a$$ in a corner all day doing various things, today was yale game theory lecture 3, 8 ted episodes, other duties assigned and 8 miles on the treadmill –

i was busy because i was afraid to think, i was afraid b/c of uncertainty of the well being surrounding friends i care deeply about — i was afraid because many things i’ve stood counterpoint to seemed to blow up in my face; things like aloof attitude to divinity, consciously choosing to leave friends and family behind for an indefinite period of time, priding myself on the sociopathic blade on my swiss army knife of emotion, the precarious forms of vanity that occupy my time, the dilemmas i’ve backed myself into, you name it, it poked its head up.

time and time again today i felt as if i was fighting back tears, tears that were coming in realization of how precious and fragile life is, and how vulnerable we are to circumstances beyond our control.  i was scared, i felt alone, i felt helpless.

then i felt the warmth of compassion from one of my real life yet larger than life heroes, my best friend, my trusted advisor.  something dawned on me today, something that’ll help me sleep better at night once it truly sinks in….kindred spirits have each other, i truly didn’t get that, and i still don’t get the extent of it.  tight coupling –

fact is, i don’t have to get it overnight, but i’m glad i see it.  it makes me understand a facet of life i’m VERY WEAK with, and makes me respect people who love each other much more.  i’ve never seen a couple that makes domestication look so sexy, and that’s inspiring.

days like these are earthquakes — the human spirit is strong and can contend — and life can turn on a dime for better or for worse –

love and respect your people, its the only solace true in this world

manuel and laci, i’m proud to know you, my heart will always be there for either of you